Autumn sunshine

Some photos from the Kitchen.

Harvest 2005
The orchid currently blooming on the kitchen table along with recently adopted local pumpkin (Thanks to UCD Plant Sciences) and a local heirloom tomato.
In the Kitchen window, all the houseplants are blooming.
A family photo: The whole gang, newly repositioned for the lowering autumn sun. Most of then have flower spikes at this point--stay tuned.

On beauty

To the women and men who glare and react—that I have walked on the scene, a total unknown, and nabbed the finest man in the room. To the men who moon at me and tell me I’m beautiful even when I have dog shit in my hands. To my mother, who equates the failure to shave one’s legs and properly apply make-up with a bout of major depression. To all the men and women who harassed me and belittled me for being a frightened overweight teenager or manipulated me as a dumpy co-ed.

Let me set the record straight here.

Had I not survived some very unattractive school years and strutted the stage as a fabulous showgirl in the same lifetime, I might have never known what it is. What makes one truly attractive—the light that one holds up above age, beauty and all reason to tell the world, "I am my own and it is good". I am still the big-legged, squinty-eyed runtish girl that has no table manners, curses like a sailor, and drinks too much from time to time. It is me and me is beautiful or not depending on whom you ask and when and where. What is ‘Me’ will change tomorrow and will be beautiful or not beautiful as well. Despite what they sell us… beauty is not where it’s at. The pursuit of beauty is a wicked farce—a venomous ghost of a demon out to fuck us all the wrong way. Women mutilating their bodies and painting this and that in hopes of rising a notch on the fantasy bedpost. Men who scramble at fast cars and hair transplants in their 40’s with the vain hopes of ‘trading up’. Lured in by the image of beauty, a mere phantom—a dream at best, over and over… only to be judged and continually rejected when the elusive ideal slips through ones hands or is re-defined once in their very grasp!

Joy, birth, death, orgasm, peace, love, lust, anger… anything can be beautiful when it is whole and of itself. But what is beauty for the sake of itself? A garment to place over something special? A figment to hold up to the light? A breed standard for symmetry and proper shading that is yet unseen in the living mammal, perhaps? Like attracts like; joy begets joy and one pain will usually find it’s increase in another. To be brave enough to be oneself and to love that self unconditionally—that speaks to the heart of others and draws the same from them. That is how to draw the finest people in life to oneself—beauty has nothing to do with it. Reality has everything to do with it.

The last days of corporate science

Hopefully for me, these are the last days of corporate science. This Friday is my last day here. I have learned much about myself, science, and scientists during this grand experiment, so I thought I'd share some of my insights.

Since leaving college in the early 90's I have mainly worked in government labs focused on Agricultural research. After a brief negative experience on the east coast, I landed a great job in CA and I was pretty content. Ah, who am I kidding, I loved it! I worked on Potatoes and my job afforded me great opportunity for development and learning in my career. The only thing my wonderful job was lacking was competitive pay.

A few years back we had the bright idea of moving down to Southern California--to my home town, San Diego. There was no government research and very little non-profit agricultural research, so it was apparent I would have to shift my career a bit. I landed a job with a company which makes tools for laboratory scientists. Right off, I was making 10K more a year and raking in several thousand more in stocks and bonuses each year. Gee, I thought to myself, this is cool. I bought a car, some new clothes, and I ate out and traveled a lot... all the luxuries I had been lacking as a government scientist.

During my first year at the company, the CEO and founder left. In came executives and engineers from a subdivision of a well-known corporate giant to run things. What became of the company is too hideous to recount here and I fear I'd be facing lawyers if I was as honest as I'd like to be about the whole mess. Basically, the employees are unhappy and leaving in droves, manufacturing is foundering and products are often on back order. Meanwhile the company continues to acquire smaller companies, the stock prices goes up and up; thus, the exes consider themselves greatly successful and continue to get salary increases and huge bonuses. I'm just happy to be leaving and my co-workers are all cheering for me. Since the big change-over, most everyone I've worked with has left. Those that stay are the ones that haven't found a better opportunity or are simply stuck financially or geographically. This was a different company when I hired in, but I should have seen the handwriting on the wall and known it couldn't last.

Here I go back to government science--in fact, right back to my former position and pay grade.

What have I learned in all of this?
1. Waking up in the morning and feeling good about going to work is priceless to me... and necessary for my well-being and continued employment.
2. I want to do research that discovers truth, makes the world a better place, and is not for profit.
3. For-profit science is driven by product development, marketing, and stockholders.
4. Product development, marketing, and stockholders do not serve truth or scientific discovery, only money.
5. Corporations are less likely than government labs to provide for training and development of their employees or to be concerned for employee morale and local community interaction.
6. Corporations are more likely than government to tolerate (and sometimes encourage) executive and managerial bullying, religious proselytizing, sexual harassment, and zero-sum (exclusive and competitive) awards and advancement.

What I have found here in corporate science is that I am obliged to accept money in lieu of career development, personal job satisfaction, and my scientific ethics. There are those who can say they are happy here... maybe they are the same people who are content with shiny new cars and million dollar homes. Had I not worked so long in 'real' science, I never would have known what I was missing here in corporate hell. I despair for new graduates who don't know the difference and fall into this money pit.

Throughout my time in government labs I continually bore the brunt of all the assumptions about government scientists being kooks and lacky's. Now I know the truth. Granted, the security of government work can make a lazy, dull scientist. However, that same security also yields scientists who stick to their principles and research vision and boldly explore the unknown without fear of losing their livelihood. Government scientists may be the lacky's of science, but corporate scientists are the whores.

mmm

Malendia

It's a start

Hello out there!
I've got too much to say and friends are tired of those long emails. Of course, the same folks miss them when I let up on the writing, so here I am a'blogging.
Stay tuned for more!
Blessings,
malendia